~ Loria's Story ~






April 4, 1979 ~ September 9, 2001


22 years, 5 months and 5 days of life ...

My daughter, Loria Susan Caulder was born on Thursday, April 4, 1979. She was a beautiful baby, the first girl born in my family since my own birth 19 years earlier and the answer to my prayers. Her only sister, Crystal was born 15 months later. Although siblings, they maintained a close friendship from a very early age.

Loria began attending head start at the age of five and even then it was obvious that she would be an exceptionally bright student. Throughout elementary and middle school, she attended academically gifted classes. She successfully obtained perfect attendance during several years of school and also received numerous awards for academic excellence.

I remember Loria as a caring child that experienced all the normal emotions for her age. While we saw other kids having tantrums in public, Loria was a wonderful kid in comparison. She did all of the normal little girl things and loved to play with her Barbie dolls. I remember that she was also very protective of her younger sister.

Loria wanted to be the leader her entire life. When in grade school, she was always the teacher’s pet. Teachers would give her their excess practice work sheets and she would bring them home to ‘play school’. She always had to be 'the teacher’ and her sister was always forced to be ‘the student’.

Loria could play school with her sister all day long and never get bored.

As a middle school student, Loria chose her friends carefully and when her sister didn’t, she felt that it was her responsibility to change the situation. On more than one occasion, Loria would ‘report to me’ that her sister was ‘hanging around with the wrong crowd’. It didn’t stop after middle school. Both girls always felt that it was their responsibility to look out for each other.

During Loria’s high school years at home, she was an excellent student, second in her class. Again, she chose her friends carefully, maintaining a few close ones throughout her short life. She and her carefully chosen friends were quiet, reserved and usually low-key.

As an upcoming high school junior, Loria was one of 275 academically gifted students statewide to be invited to attend the North Carolina School of Science & Math, a residential co-ed high school located in Durham, NC. She accepted the invitation, thereby leaving home at the young age of 16. During her junior and senior years at NCSSM, Loria made lots of lifelong friends from various cultures and backgrounds.  (We have memorialized Loria's attendance and graduation from NCSSM with a permanent name plaque on a seat in the new John Friedrick Educational Technology Complex and within the bricks that wind their way through the grounds as a part of the Alumni Walk.  Select here to view a collage of the memorial.)

For her high school proms, her sister and I made the 350-mile round trip so that we could be there to share the experience with her. I began taking pictures while she was in the hairdresser’s chair and didn’t stop until she rode off into the sunset. She was beautiful, with naturally curly hair that created a gorgeous ‘up-do’.

While Loria was a lover of all sports with a competitive aggressive nature, she was also a well-rounded individual with lots of interests. As one of her peers said to me after her death, "Loria was comfortable driving a pickup truck, dressed beautifully in her prom dress with high-heeled shoes, or on the soccer field."

Loria entered her freshman year as an engineering student at North Carolina State University in the fall of 1997. She had earned a renewable scholarship from my employer and also one from her stepfather’s employer. We were very proud of her accomplishments and told her so.

As a new college student, she immediately made new friends while nurturing and maintaining several of her closest friendships that began at NCSSM.

Her sister was accepted and chose to attend NCSU the following year. She and Loria made plans to be roommates, but Loria was offered employment as a resident dormitory advisor, which meant that she wouldn't be able to have a roommate.

During the fall semester of 1999, Loria forfeited her resident advisor position and began working in a cooperative student position with Nortel Networks in Raleigh, NC.  She returned to her college Resident Advisor position on campus in January 2000.

Loria celebrated her 21st birthday in April of 2000. Loria loved being surrounded by friends and she had many with her as she celebrated the occasion.

Loria moved out of the school dorm and into a friend’s sub-leased apartment in late May. She also returned to her co-op position with Nortel. For the first time in her life, she could feel the independence that she had worked so hard to achieve.

Her sister was back at home, but as the summer was coming to a close, they prepared for the upcoming school year. The cooperative position with Nortel would end and Loria would be returning to class full time. The two of them had made plans to share a two-bedroom apartment off-campus.

During November, I was lucky enough to be invited by Loria and her sister to spend the night with them in their new home. We enjoyed a ‘girls night’ and I will never forget it as long as I live. We went out for dinner and once we arrived back at their apartment, I gave both girls a pedicure. Together we watched Any Day Now, which was one of Loria’s favorite TV programs. It was one of the best days I had ever spent with my daughters.

While carrying a full schedule of classes during the fall semester of 2000, Loria began working with Alcatel, where she remained until her death.  During her short time at Alcatel, she made new friends and was sincerely touched by the generosity and kindness of a co-worker named Judy, who surprised her with a sunflower birthday cake. In her funny way of savoring the moment, she didn’t offer to cut the cake and share it with her co-workers. Instead she took it home and ‘looked at it’ for the rest of the day before finally deciding she couldn’t resist eating it.

During spring break 2001, she and her sister headed out to meet up with a group of friends in Savannah, GA. It was their first and only vacation together as adults and I was anxious. But being the great girls that both of them were, they left Savannah a day early and headed back to NC to visit their maternal grandmother before returning home and back to school.

Shortly after spring break, Loria called me and asked if she and Roxy could come home for a visit. I asked her who Roxy was and she said it was her dog. I responded with disbelief and she became adamant. As it turns out, Roxy was really a ‘he’ but she was determined to have a pet named after her favorite maker of surfboards. She thought the name Roxy would be so cool.

During Mother’s Day weekend in May, she and her sister both came home from school for a visit in our home. As a family, we shared a great weekend and it was my best Mother’s Day ever.

On September 1st, my husband and I met Loria and her sister along with other members of my family in another part of the state in honor of my Mom’s 74th birthday.

During the birthday party, Loria gathered addresses for various family members in preparation for sending out her college graduation announcements.  Her appearance was ‘healthy’, but she seemed somewhat withdrawn.  As she left, I reminded her of our plans for her and I to meet again on the 14th of the month for a pre-scheduled appointment.

On Tuesday, September 4th, Loria called me in the evening to inform me that she wanted to attend graduate school during the upcoming January. She wanted to know if we would pay for the application fee and I answered positively. I later found the completed application, her personal check, resume and letters of recommendation in the addressed envelope on her bedroom floor.

We received an email from her during the evening of Saturday, September 8th indicating that her resume was attached, requesting that we "look at it as if you were going to hire me".

On Sunday, September 9, 2001, Loria traveled to our home and ended her life in our driveway while sitting inside her car.  My life has forever changed and grief is all that I know. :-(
 

 

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